well its been awhile and truly missed it..because this is like the only thing i can write honesty to others around the world and they reach out to me and try and help out with the conflicts i have and others well last night broke up with my girlfriend Raelyn...miss her..missed her before..now its jsut plainy stuck in my mind of how i could have made things better. Maybe i wasn't talkive enurf to her.Maybe i didn't explain/express my feelings to her enurf for her to say to herself that i love/loved her.Maybe just not the best boyfriend material. well whatever i did wrong was leading to a broke heart.soul.friendship.and sum what of the tinyess hate:( The more days goes and pass...it'll always take the extra hrs,mins,sec, to get over the relationship. Making those tears in her eyes made me get a picture of her crying to herself alone..and me here can't do a thing with distance between us. WHAT DID I DO!!!GOD IF U COULD ANSWER THAT PLEASE GIVE ME A SIGN SOON! dreams and thoughts of her was memorable because useally i would have told her if i had a dream about her funny.romantic.hardtimes and so on. What can i do to fix my self? What can i do to fix things around me? Who can i trully talk to? Who can i trust and cry in/to? When will this past? When will the pain stop? How can i be better? How can i help people better? thoughts on mind right now...how painfully its being for me to be alive when god could have taken my life away others then my brothers..:( miss you:( and why isn't any christmas worth any excitement with out my family,brother,and my great grandma Lou:(R.i.p u two and really if theres any where of how u could read this enjoy a merry christmas in heaven with peace.prays.thoughts about you lye with you forever and ever. how crazy i am but i think i could die when my birthday strikes..happened to my brother on his 16th exact day why coudn't or will happen to me...it fears me to think of that everyday.:( am i a bad friend? if i am why do you think that? i ever die would u wanna forget about me? Why so? name sum bad things about me? name sum good things about me? to you who am i? pretty much got 34% of the things off my back.and mind. (:.dame>:)