This week has been an interisting. Not because I've done anything interisting, but because I've figured out a lot of things. Beth has been avoiding me. I don't blame her, actually. I know I can be annoying. Really annoying. And I know I've been the shittiest friend for the last few months. I really wish I could make everything alright but I know there isn't anything I can do because I doubt there is anything that will make her stop avoiding me. I mean, who am I gonna hang out with next year when the year9's go into year and have a different lunch? Not the people in my classes, in my side of the year, that's for sure. They're a bunch of losers and posers. This really does suck. I've also noticed how most of society judges on appearence which I think is very shallow. For instance, on Myspace, people will only usually add you if you have an amazing profile and an amazing pictures. Pathetic. I'm thinking of deleting my account on there because it's just a waste of time, honestly. Another thing is that I haven't really been myself, the real me, for a long time now. I think it started in September when I started at Bulmershe. I tried so hard to fit in. I tried to be something I'm really not. I think I tried to fit in with Beth more as she was changing. There's something about that girl & I've never been too sure what, exactly. She's not the most amazing person in the world but in a way, I kinda envy her. She's pretty, she has so many friends, she's got a great relationship with her family, a really nice house. Something I want to be and I know it's something I won't ever be. It's just not who I am. This year, I'm gonna try my hardest to be myself. I've been thinking about going back to South Africa a lot. I can't come to a conclusion just yet. It looks like a 55% chance of going back. But if I do, it means giving up so many opportunities that I won't be able to have back in South Afraca. I basically get a head start in life and that's what I really want. God, there's just so much on my mind right now! I can't be fucked to write anymore, though...