i wanted to make a new diary to make a new start to be able to write about everything that is on my mind but i can't so it looks like im going to have to use this one for the time being how suckish. i thought this song was appropriate for the occasion. so it's been awhile since i actaully wrote down my thoughts i guess im in one of those moods when you feel really..deep? i dunno. whatever. its half way through the summer holidays. im kinda looking forward to going back to school and staring gcse's. i can't believe im nearly 15. i don't feel so young i feel more like a 17 year old. i wish. its unfortunate that i had to take histroy as an option. i hate it. okay, well i dont hate it, but i just dont like it like i used to and my attention span is that of a five year olds. therefore, i do really shit most of the time. i wish i didn't do so shit. well, to me its shit. but sometimes i wish i could be able to pay attention in school like i used to. it just doesnt capture my attention anymore. all i seem to think about these days is what im going to buy when i next go to town or how i want to lose weight or how cute hello kitty is or how i should do my makeup. and guys obviously. people dont really understand how my mind works. neither do i, but im learning. but the whole 'no one understands me' thing is total bullshit. because im sure that theres someone out there who thinks the same way or has had a similar or the same experience. people do understand me. i just havent met those people yet. i hope i do one day. shit, i do speak a load of bollocks. i want to talk to peter; the bastard said he'd call me when he got to weymouth. i think im in love with him. i hope i am. because he's in love with me and i don't wanna not be in love with him because i wanna say 'i love you, too' when he expresses his love for me. its so hard to think about though. i want to love him so bad. give it time, i suppose. you cant just rush into anything too fast really. my mind is so blank all of a sudden. but for some reason, my hands are attatched to this keyboard like theres no tomorrow. i could type and type and type and not stop for ages. i need to stop eventually. but i just dont want to. i wanna say everything RIGHT NOW. i think im trying to be someone im not. but im not entirely sure because maybe im not being me at the moment by being deep. i dunno if that even makes sense? but whatever. i think this whole girly girl thing is to fit in or to try and cover up some sort of identity. i mean, it couldnt possibly be fake, can it? i mean, i purely do like pink, and fluffly things, and hello kitty and hair and makeup and fake nails and false eyelashes. i think deep down, im a dirty, laid back hippy . hahaha, how cool would that be. well, except for the dirty part. no way. i like underwear. i think theyre so good. i want like a million underwear sets hahaha i dunno why. how sexy!?! haha im a weirdo but whatever to be honest. i seem to say whatever a lot, dont i? dear lord. its a good word though. because you can use it whenever, cant you? 'hey, youre a bitch!' 'yeah, whatever.' 'chinese or italian tonight?' 'whatever' haha im bored i'll carry on with this tomorrow i think.