I knew in the beginning that I was going to get hurt. Everyone told me. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. I did. I got hurt. Life has been going on as usual. I am trying to stay out of the light, out of any scene that he could possibly be in. My stradegy.. 1. Keeping myself busy. It is working brilliantly. Reading one book after another, working, and trying as hard as I can to be the best at waterpolo that I can possibly be. 2. Isolation. This week I am staying at my grandparents house. Only coming back to AH for work and other obligations. 3. Peace. Inner thought. Watching the Summer Sunsets. Listening to every small noise that others don't bother to hear. (i.e. Dogs barking, children laughing, and the birds singing) 4. Knowledge. Talking about him. Realizing that he is not good for me. Knowing that no matter how much I want him back I can't give in to that desire. Smiling when I hear of all the people he has hooked up with in the past month. It has been working so far. I've wanted to write an entry for a long time.. but I didn't know what to write. I was at a loss for words. I am glad that I can write now. This is a breakthrough. It's a personal battle. I know many people have gone through this with their own set of steps. It's good to know that I am not the only one who has been in this position. Why is it so much harder for girls? Because we actually cared. Reading my past entries.. it seems like I am bi-polar but that is how much it changed everyday, there was never a definite feeling of security. Drama changed the way everything was percieved and done. It is only when it is over that you realize if what you had was gold, or if it was just some K-Mart glitter that got stuck in your eye. Life goes on. Without him. ~Jessica*~