He says I need to blog. So I probably should do it more often. As many might already know.. I am a girl. And girls are crazy! Well... I'm crazy. So many thoughts go through my head when it comes to Adam. I'll make a big deal out of nothing. It will make sense to me at the time.. but then it won't be as important as I had thought.(When I was drunk) When we fight it scares me; don't get me wrong.. not scary in the "please don't hurt me" kind of way. Just that.. I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover. When he starts to yell.. the tear ducts start working. I can't remember being seriously yelled at.. ever. So it's new to me. Fighting is to (even now I can't think of a word to describe how I react..) as Knotts Scary Farm is to fright. That was kinda pointless, since I couldn't acuratly describe my feelings... ugh. We don't fight all the time. Twice in two months so far. Not too shabby. We just get caught up in how WE feel individually.. and we don't think about each other. I told him the other night that I want to "talk" after we fight. Not right after... maybe a couple days after. But I neeeeed to talk about it.. cause if I don't then I end up feeling like a shit for the rest of the week. What a girl.. right? I don't want my mind to start thinking of reasons why I shouldn't be with him. I don't want to break up because we didn't talk about it. I think I just want his attention. Not in the concieted way though.. But.. I'm not used to anyone.. really.. being interested in me, at least for longer than their erection lasts... Sooo I think I act differently because... I want to verify that it's real? I don't know. I do know that I am crazy though. Thank God he puts up with me! He forgives and forgets. I don't know how that works. I have no problem forgiving.. but you have to give me a reason to. For example..I'm not going to forgive you for stabbing me in the back just because I am friends with you.. or just because.. you want me to. Life doesn't work that way. Sorrys need to be said.. explanations for a certain reaction need to brought to the table... then and only then can I be in the right state of mind of forgive. And forget? Ha... YOU can forget about that. Maybe I won't bring it up again... but if something happens more than a couple times... I think it should not be forgotten... but rather... brought back to the table. Tell me what I am doing wrong.. tell me how you feel.. and I will try to change. I'd expect the same. That's all I have to say about that. Peace- Jessica