You know what I think the most annoying thing about being manic-depressed, or depressed at all is? When you know something can help you, or you're in a severely depressed state, but you cant make yourself do it, or talk to them, or just fucking ANYTHING. It's kind of like a debilitating disease that is curable by getting up and walking somewhere, or opening your mouth (or getting online) and talking to a certain person. but.. you cant make yourself do it.. i dont know if i'm just lazy... or what the hell it is. and... i hate myself for it. i can lay there, staring at the ceiling or wall and for all outward appearances appear to be blissfully happy and doing nothing. but inside i'm screaming at myself and pulling my hair out to get up and just do what will help i cant make myself though. it's as if i'm chained down, to the bed. it's the most frustrating thing in the world. and no matter how many reasons i give myself. or how many times i scream at myself. i cant help myself. i really cant. i'm slowly giving up. my voice is getting hoarse, and becoming harder for me to hear myself screaming. i dont know what to do anymore. i'm all alone by choice. and i'm trapped in a cell of my own making. i wish i had the strength of will, or mind to kill myself.