This is only my first weekend of being grounded, and I'm not handling it very well! I hate this so fucking much! Ugh... but anyway today was a half day so I went out to eat with my family, then took a nap, then went to some makeup & jewelry party thing with my mom. It's really weird sleeping ever since I got out of rehab I have these really fucked up dreams whenever I sleep.. but anyway I took this little 5-yr-old boy out that I used to babysit. We had fun lol, we went to Costco and got food, then we just drove around. So yeah, going to Costco wasn't the best idea. I used to go there everyday to see Ryan when we were together. Then when I went back to the makeup party thing I saw Ryan's aunt. I miss him so bad I can't even think about him.. I just start crying. We only fucked once, but it was so perfect. It's been so long but I'm still so completely in love with him. Wish I could talk to him but he's locked up on weekends.. :/ So I got to talk to Derek today, and he's not leaving for the Navy until February! He broke his foot, which sucks but at least I will get to see him before he leaves. I miss him too. Oh yeah & then there's my boyfriend lol, Chase.. hmm we talked and he said he's willing to wait unti I can see him again but I have no clue when that will be..and not sure how much I can trust him. When we were together we were together like ALL the time, you never saw one of us without the other.. I mean he's an okay b/f too. He always surprised me like he took the keys to his house & put them on my keyring.. then he put our song on my phone.. & then he would fill up my gas tank while I was at work to surprise me.. god damnit the one time something actually works out for me it has to get fucked up. Chase was telling me all along that Kristen would snitch on me and I wish I would have believed him. I talked to Katie too & we all just agreed that's extremely fucked up. She still expects me to be like her best friend, but I'm sorry I have no freedom now and I'm probably goin to lose my b/f too just cause she opened her fuckin mouth. Katie's having a party for her 19th b-day tonight.. god I wish I could be there! I never go to a party without Katie, and she never goes to one without me.. god damn.. Sorry I'm rambling but I have nothing better to do.. so I guess everyone who tried out for winterguard made the team.. that kinda pisses me off even though I'm not doing it. I've done it the past 2 1/2 years so I guess I can take a break now, but my coach swore it would be so hard this year.. yeah whatever. But if I'm not captain next year I'll have to kick some ass... Yeah it's also weird not going to work, I really did love being a waitress. I think I'm gonna try and get a job at the Donato's on 96th or Broad Ripple or something since I don't really feel like learning a whole new job. Damn Kristen really messed up a lot more than she thinks, when she snitched on me my dad told her she was making it up.. I mean that's how GOOD I was at hiding my shit.. I wasn't stupid! Well I start rehab on Monday.. woo hoo.. I think Lucas is coming with me lol.. I dunno but I just want my car & my phone back! I really don't think Kristen understands how much she's fucked up my life... I can't even have my cd's & I'm goin crazy without my young buck, lil wyte & usher.. damn... <3 peace.