What up all? Yeah sorry I've kinda gotten sick of writing in this thing. I have so much shit to do tonight I might as well just stay the fuck up... god damn. So the last two days have been kind of crazy. All these boys are just confusin tha shit outta me. I finally got to talk to Ryan again and it was so good to talk to him, even though I ended up crying. I don't know why I love him so much STILL and I didn't think I did but just hearing his voice makes me want to break out into tears.. he has court tomorrow and his jail sentence is over now. I don't know what will happen tomorrow but I'm just hoping for the best.. I wanted to see him tonight but he went to Mike's :/ So after rehab tonight I drove around with Dan.. this guy in my rehab he's a soph at my school.. but yeah I stopped by Chase's cuz well I don't know why. I saw his tatoo and stuff and we just talked.. but I hate how fake he is. I mean I think it's finally gotten to the point where I don't give a shit anymore because he's so fake. And I just got off the phone with Lucas.. his grandma called me last night and talked to me for damn near two hours. She thinks he's using drugs again, and well, so do I. I REALLY can't deal with this if he is.. cuz he got in so much trouble with crack and everything. But I ended up like screaming at him and pissing him off but oh-well.. ha I just told him he needs to chose his life or drugs.. but I guess he's only smoked pot twice since he's been outta jail. I don't really care about pot except for he has court in january and could go back to jail so he should just try to be good right now. God I want to trust him so bad I really like everything about him and he treats me good. But I'm not gonna fall for him right away and I know it will take him forever to earn my trust.. but hey I don't really trust anyone.. Ok so another thing I really don't sleep at all anymore.. my lil brother cries every night so I have to sit in his room and try to make him feel better. I don't think I've gone to bed before two this whole week.. and I always wake up at like 4 it's so fucking weird. Being in Pathway seriously screwed me up. Well I gotta go do a bunch of shit.. I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday and I know my dad is going out tomorrow night so hopefully i can do something... leave one