oh mann. im very mean. so so so mean. like, unexplainably mean. sheesh. i didnt even know what i was doing until it was over. i was sitting in biology and talking about ariel hoffman. so uhm ariel isnt the coolest person. and im not saying that im cool, but like...shes the definition of sad. like, the bad kind of sad. not the omg i want to cry sad. she wears cat eyeglasses, long denim skirts, camis, and she is overweight. i have p.e. with her. she has no friends whatsoever, she hangs out with our stupid teacher and associates with her 24/7. she tells on people every like 5 minutes because in p.e. no one listens. its like a period where you can be a jackass and it wouldnt matter. but to ariel, apparantly it does. and she wants to be teacher's pet so she goes and tells mrs. harrison everytime someone does something 'bad'. and she bosses people around nonstop, and tells us things we already know. like mrs. harrison tells us we need to get into teams of 7 or something so ariel turns to the class and says to, specificly me for some reason, "Get into teams of 7!!" and liesels like "yea. we already know, god. shutup." it gets annoying, because for one thing i hate being bossed around. and also, ariel is doing it. i dont exactly favor her. in the locker rooms i hate to change across from her, and god, the spaces between each locker is so very minimal.. so yea. randomly, she just stops changing and stares at people changing. and it creeps me out very badly. like, i just want to yell at her and say "what?? youve never seen a girl change? wtf is your problem?? turn around and change!" but of course thats mean and that would stir trouble for me. did i mention that she sings to herself quietly? no wait. actually loudly. like she means it. i do that to, but she has this voice where it makes it seem like it would be on a scary movie. anyway. explanation and history over. in bio i was talking to robin, and robin knows ariel too. so i was just pissed and starting going on and on about ariel and everything that i just talked about. and i noticed this girl sitting behind robin and i could tell she was totally eavesdropping. but i wasnt thinking so i just rambled on and then the bell rang and that girl that was listening, she suddenly stormed out of the classroom. and then i thought. that girl is in band, ariel is in band... would they possibly be in the same class? would that girl know and maybe be friends with ariel? and i felt really guilty. like, i thought about how mean and bitchy i sounded. i never said i hated ariel though. i kept on saying 'but i feel bad for her'. ariel cant help the way she is i guess. she has a disorder, where its hard for her to make friends. so i understand where she's coming from. but i was just mad, cause she was bugging me a shitload in p.e. i really hope she doesnt hear about it. but then again karmas a bitch. a big one. id feel like the shittiest person alive if i knew she heard about it. cause she cries so easily. its all about insecurity, plus her disorder. today when we were doing sit-ups, she cried. cause she could only do 7. i mean, there were tons of people who werent even trying who are fit and they only did like, 11. but she cried. probably because she was insecure. so im considering stopping myself from talking trash about people. even when i vent, because somehow someone will hear about it. and it will get to the person that i talked about. yea it sounds stupid, but i dont see why i cant just accept people. i complain too much about them. but when i was talking to brenda and liesel about ariel during p.e. and making fun of her, and making up a name for her, it felt...good. like, it seemed fun at the time. because ariel was so damn bossy to everyone, and it felt like we were getting back at her. but now i just feel guilty about it. and guilt is what im afraid of because i guess it makes me realize what i did wrong. and im over alyssa. i guess i should get over ariel. but the one girl that i will probably never get over is justine. aka chihuahua. oh man im not even going to get started, but i think that whenever someone is rude or mean or something, ill just ignore them. because people like that dont matter, because they make others feel like theyre worthless. two people i hate: connor scott + chihuahua time for making valentines.. for hours.. and the gluing.. and writing.. i actually found it fun to write to people. personal stuff. i know i like getting personal stuff, it makes me feel closer to that person. definitely. byebye