before i forget my dreams i should write them here. last night, ohman. scariest dream by far. ellen and i were in this giant mall and there was this little door on a wall in between two stores. in that room was where we were. there was a single lightbulb, and the room was glowing orange but it was mostly dark. i remember there were two middle-aged men, both a little overweight. there was another adult with us, a female, much older than ellen and i. she was lying on this couch, and i was sitting on one end of it, closest to the door. im not sure where ellen was sitting though. i have no idea what was going on... maybe we were just lounging? who knows. but anyway. there is a coffee table in front of the couch so then all of a sudden, one of the guys comes out from underneath it and starts screaming and he takes out this syringe. well like, a huge needle thing. and he stabs it in the lady and so im like 'OMG WTF!!!!!' but he sees that im about to escape so i start running towards the door and he trips me by grabbing my foot, but im still going and i make it out of the door. so then i just cant think about anything else cause im scared out of my mind. im running around the mall, just screaming. mindlessly. im like 'HELPP!!! HELPP!!! RAPIST, HE'S TRYING TO RAPE ME!!!' and i remember my throat feeling hoarse cause i was screaming so much and so loud. and the guy was following me around like 'NO, NO! i didnt do it!!! seriously, shes lying!' he just kept on saying that over and over and i kept on screaming. the sad thing is, no one paid attention. so i was just running away from him past people who were just having a dandy day. then it went to another scene it was in the same place. will was following me around the mall, keeping a good distance away from me. i guess he was trying to tell me something, but i kept on walking away because i didnt want to hear it. i remember i felt so pissed off. like, my fury was making my face feel hot. i was making that one noise you make when youre frustrated. like, a half scream in your mouth. mmm. uhm and then i was so fed up with him, i finally turned around and i yelled 'LEAVE. ME. ALONE!!!' so he gave me this hurt look, and then this mad look. and he stormed away. but when i said this, i thought he would try and keep on trying to tell me something. i wanted him to pester me until i totally gave up, i have no idea why. so when he left, i felt guilt and sadness. hm. and then it flashed back to the door between the stores. it was then i realized that i left ellen in there, and i felt kind of horrible. so there was this pizza store next door, and i looked around in the back of it and saw this door that led straight to that room. so i talked to the pizza man, but then all of a sudden there were these other people trying to help me that appeared out of nowhere. i was like 'SIR, you HAVE to open that door!! my friends in there! OPEN IT!!' so he was being difficult, and i tried opening it myself. but then he eventually opened it by pushing it with his body. ellen came out and i was pretty happy. i felt very bad at that moment though. but instead of being panicked or scared or crying, she just stood there like everything was okay. i dont know what happened to her because she wouldnt say, but it seemed to me like she could have just walked out of a department store. instead of a room with deadly middle-aged men. so then i remember thinking to myself 'gosh. shes probably going to be like..one of those people who brags about getting raped, and she'll act like its not big deal. or maybe she'll isolate herself from things and point out that she was raped, just for attention.' and i was so mad because i guess it took me a long time to get to that room and get that door open for her, and i had felt so bad that i left her. yet i didnt get a thank you or anything, and she didnt even look at me. but it wasnt because i had left her in there. she didnt seem to care about that, or anything, of that matter. godd. and i had another dream with zack in it. like, he likes taking showers. so i remember i was sitting next to him, somewhere where it made it so that i was taller than him. i was looking at the top of his head and his hair was pretty shiny and blonde. i wanted to pet him or something, but instead i just placed my face into his hair. and he turned to me and was like 'what you doin?' and i smiled and was like 'you smell good.' i remembered he smelled like cold flowers. its the cold when you get out of the shower, and it smells all fresh and nice. and we just sat there like that. it was pretty out of the ordinary. kay im done now off to the school that is starting to suck.