i wish i met a peaceful alien, or a peaceful ghost. i dont like how movies make it all dramatic. but hey. thats entertainment for you. ive thought about things a lot, more than ever now. things in my life have shifted. i feel pretty darn shitty. all of a sudden i feel like i cant measure up to anyone's expectations. like, im not worthy of having good friends, or a family that does everything for me, or a life thats pretty easygoing compared to other peoples. im probably just overthinking things. its giving me a different perspective. but...it could be a good thing, yes? anyway. i feel like im not enough to my mom. ive always had A's. always been the good kid. blah blah blah. all the other stuff. bleh. and im sinking slowly to B's. i still have lik, 2 A's. OMG HOW ABOUT LETS FREAK OUT, BECAUSE OUR NICOLE IS GETTING A FEW B'S!!! how about, no, mother. im fine. nothing is wrong with me. well... actually, there are a lot of things. but you wouldnt understand, because you are a traditional japanese mother, and you never raised a child like me. my sister was never like me in the slightest way during her first years of high school. im tired of getting yelled at for 'having too much fun over the weekend.' although i do feel bad for her... doing laundry. dishes. cleaning the whole house. cooking. while my dad doesnt do shit, but only go to work in the morning [Bye Daddy.] and come back at like, 10 p.m. [Hi Daddy.] but...a kid in high school... those are the YEARS when life is lived. when youth is lived. right? yess. gah. im so caught up in between of every single thing, im tired of it. i need to curl up into a ball and sleep until im not tired, then watch tv until it doesnt amuse me, then go on the computer till theres nowhere to go, then paint pictures until i become even more uncreative, and then sew myself a whole new wardrobe. oh. and cant forget stealing a candy blue vespa, and driving to my friends houses and all the hottest night clubs. thatd never happen, because i really wish upon it. and wishes are just too silly, duh.