my pet peeves made it sound like i hated all my friends. i certainly do not hate them. i love them all to death, so much that id eat a bucket of onions for them and i reallyreallyreallyreally do not like those. yea. i just needed to complain all at once. but wow i hate feelings. they overwhelm me too much to the point where im confused on how i feel. i overanalyze EVERYTHING, so i could think that feel sad when i am actually happy. it makes no sense. okay as of now i feel pretty happy and mellowed out. but i feel disappointed and disgusted and sad, but then i feel like i could just jump around on my couch singing a tune. but also i feel like i can have a good cry right about now, and then laugh for hours when im done. understand? probably not. no i didnt just make all that up. i have some serious problems with myself and no i do not mean as in... like sitting in my dark little corner with a razor blade muttering to myself and crying and cut-cut-cutting. i mean like i have a major learning disability. i have a tiny case of short term memory, and i have an extremely short attention span. it seems as though people dont understand when i tell them that, though. they think its a joke. but i guess it could be normal for like a 14 year old. what is romance? i hate it it ruins your life, makes you risk everything you have only to have it shoved and pushed and smashed back into your face so its broken and you are too. why do i talk too much? i have too much to say so yea sometimes i wish i were some kind of android. like on Big O Dorthy, i think her name was. but shes creepy looking, i dont want to look like that. pale skin, cropped red hair, black dress, tights, and shoes. but she plays piano well. but yea if i were some robot or something i wouldnt really talk unless asked to, i would feel any complicated feelings, etc. but i guess i wouldnt be living life. or living, for that matter. would you like to hear my dream? and i dont know why im saying 'you' because really, i am talking to nobody. but i think ill tell you anyway. i have a dream where someday ill have a tiny schoolbus, and i would paint on it whatever i feel like. it would be my mobile home and id just cruise around wherever i please. id see everything and go everywhere like frisco and hollywood and maybe even nyc. i would stop in each interesting city, buy a magnet from a souveinir shop, and put it on the inside of my bus. and i would stay there for a while, enough time to get a job as a cook for a local pastry store. then i would take a picture with the crew and we would say our goodbyes. i would develop the picture and put it in a scrapbook and write about my time there. then i would move on. i would write poems in that bus, i would paint in that bus, i would talk on the phone all night in that bus, i would myspace on that bus, i would dance in that bus, i would do everything imaginable there. and i would call it... melody. and write her name on the front of the bus, with little notes everywhere. the end.