ecstatic. up to my neck. i may get to go to utahhh baby and see alex's house for the first time, and her wtf-jawesome giant room, and her (uhm) current...bf, and her friends. but i dont want to meet the one that thinks shes a devil. cause ill just laugh in her pretty little face, and shed probably 'send me to hell'. haha. k. i dont believe in hell, little girl. i believe in peace, BIZNATCH. i hate school. i hate grades. oh my oh MY OH MY. i wish...i could go back to balboa. there. i said it. as fucking horrible as it was, i liked how easy it was. i liked how laid back everything felt, even with all the stupid little immature drama. it just felt nice. nothing much to worry about. but high school, its like. real life biz right there. drugs. alchohol. girls. boys. things. i dont wanna deal with it. or any of the trashy 'people' that come along. maybe im afraid. but im fine. i just dont like it much. i feel like im missing something. could it be fun? im not having as much fun as i used to. not hanging out every weekend. more like, every other 2 weeks. could it be environment? shitty people=shitty day. eh? could it be boys? i dont have one. not even close. i see one, but of course im unknown to the eye, blending in with the rest of the single fishes. does that mean im just like any other gal? am i boring? too preserved? does that mean i should be a half naked slut? no. hahaha. thats the last thing i would ever do, i dont need boys now. could it be family? yuki. nuff said. i dont know. i cant really sleep at night, my eyes are tired even when theyre closed. cause i think about too much. anxiety? fatigue? i never knew what fatigue meant. like, for reals. i need to shower and shave my legs. we're swimming tomorrow, and its still kind of cold. :L