quest through the hallways

by dolefulutter
Feeling: leftout
she walked in the hallway at a steady pace, dragging her book bag and her feet. her head is tilted on the left and her lips are parted as if she couldn't quite get the words in her mind to be spoken out loud. she had the same expression on her face that she always did between classes. the kind of expression reflecting deep thought and wonder but, once in a while a smile would illuminate her face as if whatever it was she was thinking about was resolved. you could almost see a light bulb above her head, just like in children cartoons, announcing to the world that, at that instant, an idea blessed her world. then she continued her journey through the hallways, smilling or waving at whomever she recognized wether it be friends or acquaintances. from this description one might come to the accurate conclusion that she was jolly, amiable, and also a welcomed (by most) individual...in the hallways. then she saw him and asked herself: "can he see me glow?" he glanced towards her, and she hoped he smiled inwardly because she didn't want to be the one to be undesired. she sure couldn't tell that from his expression. "how are you? i mean it's been a while," she asked coolly. "yeah, it's been like 5 months!" he answered. her smile was abashed by the mocking tone of his comment but she didn't let him see that of course. she felt like an annoyance and she soon regretted even opening her mouth, which could say such stupid things at times. "i know, time passes by fast." she hesitated for a sec but then said: "i think i should go!" and walked away as if nothing happened, the she never stopped walking and thinking. she hated how she assumed that he found her annoying based on the simple fact that maybe he thought she liked him and obviously the feeeling wasn't shared! when truthfully she simply found him intriguing. his persona was different from most people so she wanted to know how he perceived the world. but because of his defensive wall, she brushed those ideas aside as she walked away dragging her feet, tilting her head to the left and reconnecting the unsubstantial world in her head. she just kept walking towards her next class, chemistry.
Read 12 comments
This is a really beautiful and 'real' entry. 'Real' as in I could've been there in the story seeing the girl walking exactly as you described her.

A woman should never have to be made to feel that she is an annoyance. Would I be wrong in saying that maybe this guy is not so different after all?

Keep Cheerful :-)
Maybe I'm able to understand your entries because what you feel and such are things I myself have been through before in life. To be honest, that's kind of why I feel it's possible for me to relate and understand you. Granted that though, at times I still remain unsure with the answers / comments that I leave for you.

We can all be confusing, but maybe we're not as confusing as we think, especially in the eyes/minds of those who have been
through the same things. I don't think overanalysing oneself is a fault, I would in fact say it's perhaps one of the greatest advantages you have to bettering yourself off in all that you do. Where I would say it becomes a fault is when you use it only to see the bad and only the bad. If you only see the bad - which is in everyone (not evil bad, but mistakes we make) - but choose not to see how you can turn it to good (like what I said earlier)
then I would say it's a fault, but we are human. The fault is not in making the fault, but in choosing not to improve the fault/s we make, lol.
And yes, when understanding ourselves, we will feel confused. Even when we think we have understood ourselves completely only to encounter another 'overanalysis' of who we are, lol.. thus feeling confused again. But this happens. We have to grow fully and encounter all the confusions which help direct us to our purpose in life. Eventually, we do get here!!

You wish it were easy for you to accept yourself and be happy with who you are (despite your fears?), but you feel you can't because you don't know where to base such happiness from.

Sounds like you need something or someone to believe in and if such is the case, then I'll give you the best person to believe in.. and that's YOU!!

Life is hard and can be complicated - I would empathise with you till the egde of the earth on that one!!
But someone somewhere else, there is always harder, there is always more complication and it's no reason to believe that we can't make it through to where life is easy and life is less complicated. On a given dear.. hard and complicated is life, but it's always worth it in the end if you've fought hard enough. I will promise you that! Because if you have fought hard enough.. you will have gained enough to keep your heart and mind content
..but most of all.. you will have gained enough to make you smile. And not just any smile. It would be the kind of smile you feel with your whole body. The kind of smile that opens the clouds to bring out the sun! lol.. But you get the point :-)
But I say the first 4 because I have seen that before in a girl.. probably even in me to be honest, haha.. but very real. I hope you are well. Keep Cheerful :-)
If I haven't told you this before then I will now. You can save the whole World, but you have to look after your own heart too. Afterall, what good to a World needing a saviour is a saviour who needs to be saved themself? You will be fine. 'As you think, so you shall become'! You can thank Bruce Lee for that one. :-) lol. So yes, you put yourself first and don't hold back against doing so! :-)
As for your entry. The way I read it made it sound to me as if it were the girl that was nervous and the guy well assured of what he was going to say to the girl. Maybe she did misinterpret what his response was, but if almost immediately the thought evoked in this girl was that this guy was finding her an annoyance with his 'mocking tone' of a reply, then jerk is almost too kind a word to call him as misinterpreted response I would think not.
What kind of person do I think she is? Well.. either my imagination is very good, or your words are, because I have painted in my mind a really beautiful feeling of this girl. I can't take it further than that, other than feeling sorry for the way she had to feel.. but she sounds like a girl any person would be lucky to know and associate themselves with. It's just the first 4 lines that really stand out to me.. as do the rest in their own way.