"you know what?! i hate you" "i hate myself more than you ever could" "how do you wake up in the morning?" "i think that you love me..." "well i dont..." "SO maybe there's something to love." "now what!? you won't wake up?" "i never did." i remember the moment clearly; if only life was a script. i sat nervously whilst he asked me: "why do you want to be an engineer?" embarrassed by my answer i flipped the script and turned it around to him.... "À TOUT PRENDRE" is a french canadian indie movie realized by claude juxtras. it was a self sponsored project whose main idea was to represent him. then he did another popular film called "mon oncle antoine," which gained him a lot of recognition; he also hanged with the renowned jim morrisson, and his life was a complete success. or was it?! a bitter end was for the story of a tortured revolutionary man. this is the subject of a documentary that i saw today. it made me think about what i want to do with my life, work in rthe creation of films, but i didn't tell him. why am i embarrassed by myself? this isn't the first time. why do people do what they do? i ask. and no one answers but that constant gut feeling giving me an inconspicuous hint. interested in the arts, i ran towards science... while flipping through art books with physic equations distorted in my mind. i am not satisfied...this comes easy. confused in the confinement of my house, i search in a special calendar the time and place one should go to persue their dreams. to make them unforgetable by the weekly suggestion of their realization. i sit, heart calmed, legs crossed, and resolved on the next steps in my life. complete serenity at the horizon. now i if i could just stand naked before the world, open my heart to it and let them discover my mind...in person, with an ease to undermine the fright that lies behind this strong weak person. one could finally be happy.