shes throwing her life away. everyone sees it. she had so much going for her. i partly blame myself. its my fault she met him. she wont listen to anyone, everyone else is always wrong. she tells me "yeah i prolly said some mean things when we were in that fight....but really idk specifics....and dont bring him up in this....i only see him like once a week.....thats bullshit loren....grow up and face it....ur jealous and ur a very selfish person....yeah i wised up too.....i realized that i dont deserve to be treated like shit and u are in no way worth my time....i give up" her life revolves around that boy. like i said, she had so much going for her. im not jealous of him whatsoever. i, in no way, ever want to be like her. selfish, eh, i dont know if i am or not. i guess everyone is to some degree. i didnt realize i was treating her like shit either, considering i havent talked to her for months. i wasnt even aware that we were out of our "fight". as far as im concerned, our friendship was lost months ago. i so fucking called all this shit too. it was me and tony, her and him. and i remember distinctly, saying "once one of us couples break up, things will never be the same." of course she swore that i was wrong. i dont even care anymore. i STILL want my money though. she says ive changed. i dont see it, and neither do people that ive talked to. i should have listened to everyone 2 years ago and stayed away from the girl. oh well. i have made some of the best relationships within the last few months. ive also lost some good ones too. jordan was the best experience of my life. i just couldnt take the distance anymore. im weak. im not as strong as everyone thinks. he lets me be weak, when need be. tony....mixed emotions. we were such great friends, before the relationship. that relationship caused me to give up many relationships. b hay...teachin me to play pool, letting me kick his ass royally at that bowling game at Cushions, and sometimes even at 9-ball. listening to me, giving me advice, being upfront and honest with me, no matter what, and letting me be me. jamie, she listens to me, i listen to her, and i make fun of her. it all evens out in the end. emily, wow. a relationship from no where with that girlie. all founded on shoe shopping. what else can a girl ask for? Rach, even though she lives so far away, she comes into town, and its like she never left. cant wait til hilton head this summer! travis. wow. thats about all i can say about that. kelly. ive been talking to him a lot lately. dont know what to make of it. still dont trust him as much as i used to. hes hurt me 2 too mant times. (yes, thats right, broke up with me twice, dumb motherfucker lol) dick, wow. i hate working with him while hes on floor, but other than that hes awesome. making me laugh my ass off no matter what. i list all these relationships that i have with people, but im still lonely inside. someday that will all be filled, and ill be whole. o0o0o. Sarah Dillon/Mulpas (i doubt i will ever think of her as Sarah Mulpas) is due on Friday. her belly is so big. theyre so cute. i envy their relationship to a point. i want the love, the emotions shared. i crave the feeling of being loved. im a love whore, and a serial dater. beware.