ok. im going to scream it out loud, i dont care what people think, what people say, let them judge me. if they do judge me, then they obviously dont care about me. 4-th of july. i lost it. as in IT. one of the few nights most girls spend dreaming about for their whole lives. it was nothing special. i was ready, he was willing. im all grown up. definately wasnt special. it hurt. it still does. like fitting a watermelon through a hole the size of an almond, if you get my drift. i was a 19 year old virgin. i didnt lose it the man i will marry. but i lost it to the type of person i knew i wanted to. i trust B, more than i trust most guys. told two friends so far. Cort was a little shocked. she had never heard mention of B before, because i knew shed be judgemental. not only does she like the pretty boys and clean cuts guys, she likes them around our age. B is a 27 (next month) man who is not clean cut, has a tattoo, and makes me laugh at the drop of a hat. Rick, aka Dick, found out today. he was upset that i hadnt told him before today. i think hes disappointed in me. he told me that he thought i would have waited for someone i would be with down the road. i can see myself with Beaner down the road. for Christs sake, i wasnt waiting for marriage by any means, and i decided that i was ready. let them judge me. as of 10 days ago i was a 19 year old virgin. the last of my friends. i think i did pretty well considering todays trends, me watching a friend get pregnant our freshman year of highschool...im damn proud of myself. i just hope i have the kind of relationship with my daughter some day, that she will be like me and come to me and talk to me when she does lose her virginity...i hope i can do it.