i don't understand why i act the way i do, do the things i do, or say the things i say. i overreact & become emotional over nothing. to me, everything is a big deal & i can never just "let it go" although i wish i could. my unemotional attempts last a week tops. why is it so hard for me to simply live happily in the moment and stop dwelling in the past. i should be happy, and give him a reason to stay with me when he leaves for college. there's nothing i want more, but i can't help but think it'll end so sometimes i wonder what the point in trying is. it isn't that i am doubting our relationship or our love, it's just that i'm scared that the more serious this is or the happier we become, the harder it will be. i just can't help thinking i will lose him permanently, in the past i always knew that it was only a temporary loss. i'm not ready for it to be permanent.
and there i go worrying again when nothing has even happened. time and college are the worst things to ever be invented or discovered.
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