i've realized today that rather then liking everyone until they give me a reason not to, i am the exact opposite. i dislike everyone i come across until they prove to me in some way that i should like them. i don't know why, but that's just the way i am. maybe it's my way of protecting myself from getting into a crowd i don't want to be in or maybe i'm just an asshole and don't have faith in anyone except for a select few. i strongly believe it's the second reason. i especially noticed it took me a long time to actually be nice and friendly with mark's girlfriend alex. they've been dating for almost two years exactly i think and i am just starting to enjoy her presence. i am stubborn and i made it especially hard for her to get on my good side because he is one of my best friends and i didn't want him to be with someone i don't think is good enough for him. so i've been a bitch to her, but for some reason she started to be more open around me and maybe i have too so we've been getting along lately which i like. she's one of very few people in my school who is actually mature and fun at the same time, and not fake. i'm sick of smiling at people who i feel they don't like me. yes, most of the time it's just a feeling that people don't like me, but i go with my gut and i don't feel the need to have ligitamet reasons to feel certain ways. so fuck whoever disagrees with how i judge people and how i don't like anyone until they prove themselves to me, it's just how i am and i'm not going to change. the people who don't make an effort aren't worth my friendship, and it's no loss to me. anyway, i don't like more then 90% of the kids in my school. this probably sounded negative, but i'm more content with myself then i've been in years. i'm going to start pilates or yoga at the gym to relieve my anger since i have a lot lately. and i really don't want to punch a bitch or two but i've been extremely tempted lately and i know i'm better then that, so i'm going to control myself. i'm also done with junk food and chocolate. i'm pretty much changing my lifestyle, and it's going to feel good. dave has been worrying me. he hasn't been to school for about 2 weeks for "personal reasons" and it scares me. there isn't anything i can do to help, and i have no idea what is going on with him. i hope he gets better soon, i miss him.