SO big update, prob not surprising though. mike is home and we're hanging out a lot lately. we've already kissed and such, but i'm not so sure of our status. i figure i'll wait a few days so it will hopefully be casual. so hopefully i'll get a chance to talk to him soon because i don't want to be used, obviously. we just need to learn to cut the bull shit, and be able to have fun and be honest with each other. it's scary because i can see myself with him for the rest of my life, so i'm willing to work for this. no more of his hiding who he is with and what he is doing, i'm tired of questioning but the situation has forced me to plenty of times too many. i'm tired of him thinking i'll judge him on what he's doing, but i just want the knowledge of what he's doing. that's the basis of a relationship-trust/honesty. and he needs to realize i'm not here to be an ass to him and question him, i just want to love him and he needs to be able to learn to be honest so it can be all love and happiness. this is inevitable, and i'm sure everyone saw it coming. except for kristielee, oh well though. he means the world to me, and i won't let a girl who doesn't give a shit about him take himfrom me. she doesn't deserve him, and she doesn't even make him that happy. and my friends can say all the shit they want about how much of an ass he is, i don't care because what you say isn't going to effect me :) friends get the shit stories of him, and i keep the good to myself. so no one else knows what we've been through completely so don't judge and i'll still love you. i'm crossing my fingers this is the last time this happens because i'm not prepared for another time of shittiness and being without him. i called meg the other day because i needed to talk to her. so lately we've been talking little bits and itmakes me happy. i am such a dumbass though sometimes, but she says i shouldn't hold on to those thoughts and she's probably right. i'm ashamed to see her parents though, but they were like my second parents so it's weird not having seen them in months. last parade/band banquet today. twelve more days til graduation. where the fuck did time go? but i'm excited to get a little older and get a taste of the real world. girls night out tonight with meghan and allie. wonderful thing. elisha soon! that is love. i love you by the way, and i enjoyed our fifteen minute talk today :) sorry it took me forever to respond. again soon please ♥