yo ahhh i guess i wanna put down all thats floating around inside my head atm. i guess ill start outside and work my way in. Me and hayden had a sorta... weird fiasco the other week and we stopped talking for like 4 days... i totally shat my pants the whole time, i felt incredibly uneasy and probably depressed. however i talked it over with me pata and he gave me some solid advice as he does, which i inturn didnt take up for me being a coward. somehow or other we got back to talking again, and are friendly to each other, however im still slightly uneasy in my guts and am unsure why. me and kiri still goig strong, 4 months tommorrow. and at the moment we seem to bring up the future accidentally/on purpose quite a lot. im not sure, but it gets me in the guts again when i think about being tied down... or is it even tied down? who knows what the feeling is, i guess its apprehension about the future... i dunno. i havent been working on my exercises...and its showing now because my ankles is getting sore again, how stupid is that... to know the solution, to have practised the solution, even witnessed the results, but now that im no longer going to the physio and having someones pressure on me to recover, i give it up, and get back into the pain. awesome job mate! you're a winner. i guess the same situation goes with school. seeing as at uni i no longer have someone breathing down my neck about hw, i just dont do any, and instead frit away my time watching fucking movies... fuck me! im not even keeping fit... im so fucked off at myself, but dont worry, knowing me i'll have forgotten this self loathing withih 30 minutes and ill be straight back into auto zombie for the rest of the week, and till the day i fail everything. the only thing positive is that i guess im pretty fixated on JWOC 2008, in sweden, however my fixation see's me as fit, and flying on my feet. it totally ignores where i am right now. ridiculous no? anyway... i guess i should go to bed or something... fuck. This is the cloud that swallows trust This is the black that uncolours us This is the face that you hide from This is the mask that comes undone