i find out that you are with someone now. someone you were in contact with while i was going out with you. while we were lovers. someone who you kept from me. someone who you had a crush on.

and it burns me up. this is jealousy. and i feel it. and i want to scream why at you. my memories of you come forward and i think about what i could've done. but it also passes with time and i calm down. but it would be there again waiting for me if i think of you or you come up somehow.

i guess it just means i still care about you. and thats all. i need to breathe through it. let it in and let it back out.

i guess i still need more time. hearts are tricky to heal when you cant see the wound and being blindsided by emotions gives you more angles at the torn out part.

can i find joy for you in my jealousy. can i be happy that you are ok now. can i turn my pain around. i will try.