I'm back from my stupid holiday but I have far more important things on my mind: 1. Laser hurts like HELLLL. No, I won't expand, the idea is for you to not know what I'm talking about, it's semi-embarassing. 2. Bright Eyes at the metro is over 18s and tickets to see REM and 40 minutes of bright eyes is over 100 bucks which I would spend but I doubt anyone else would come with me. :( 3. I'm ugly. Nothing's changed. 4. I don't know what to do about work because I hate it but I want the money. -__- And I don't know when I'm suypposed to call them now that I'm back and AHHHHHHH. 5. I suck. Well anyway, now that I've made myself seem like a completely stupid superficial moron, we can continue. It's been months since I took my pills and saw Alex and Dr Milch but I really ccan't say I feel any different. I still despise school and I feel incredibly nervous about ANYTHING. I'm scared to go on the computer because someone might see me through my curtains and think I'm fat. I can't go out without putting eyeliner on (Alex actually hinted that once). Even at work I worry about when I should give the credit card back and how my hands look (I have disgusting, bony, man-hands) and if my boss hates me or thinks I'm stupid or why it's taking me so long just to learn STUPID LITTLE THINGS. God I am a wreck. Last night we had to sleep at my step-nan (who happens to be the biggest bitch in the world)'s house and she has this creepy dog who has a creepy soft toy which it humps all the time. And in the middle of the night it jumped on the bed and I couldn't sleep on that part of the bed so I was lying squished in a straight line and I couldn't move. And then, as if to piss me off it went on the bottom of the bed so that to avoid the germs I had to squish up in a ball and try to sleep like that. I have sleeping problems normally so naturally I couldn't sleep and I just lay there with tears welling up in my eyes waiting for it to be morning. I am such a child. I think I have some creepy obsessive disorder thing with germs sometimes I DON'T KNOW. I just want this all to end but it never does and I'm going to be stuck with these stupid problems for the rest of my life. With some dead end job living in my mother's house, most likely with superman sheets and a stash of comic books under my bed (Not that I read comics, but I have years of lonelyness ahead of me in which to start the dreaded habit) And great SD just deleted the one line here in which I said something that's been bothering me for a long time. :) *too lazy* I know it's selfish but I hate that my mum's boyfriend sleeps over and I hate that my grandparents still live here and I hate that I'm not free to move around in my own house, or even in my own bedroom for the fear of people watching me. I hate that no one will reply to this unless it's just a stupid comment on how much they like the way my stupid diary looks. JShcfubr7jg5yt98u6b7j