I've never been so confused in my life.... I thought I knew it all... I thought I knew what I was doing And in no way did I think anyone could change my mind I can't turn back around now and change everything I've said or did. This time there weren't any doors answered. I got God, Jesus, and Angels whispering at my feet...telling me my test drive is over. I have to do the impossible and unspeakable for me. I can't runaway anymore. I can't cut anymore. I can't hurt anymore. 1 7 means shinny eyes enduring johnny's apples of unsure virginity and the sound of music awaiting my next step to my diploma. I ate the black and brownish seeds. As in Mean Girls I have to suck all the poison out out of my life...and start over again. I don't know what I'll keep or leave behind yet. But I'm tired of starting over. This isn't teenage bullshit. This is abuse making its burdens with a hammer. And being locked up for 2 months is minor compared to what comes next. I riek drama and I wish there was a clone of me to blame. The devil is alive hah what a fucker. but hell I can't keep living a lie and trying to convince myself that I'll be happy one day... i start therapy soon...ish i can't tell my psychiatrist anything...because I just don't think with everything in me, that words will come out. Yet at the same time, I'm tired of lying to people. It never leads to anything worth keeping. i wish someone could make all my decisions for me right now. on the bright side, i start driving soon but my parents are like hispanic robots, and don't really understand what I mean when I tell them I need my permit first and I need to take a test first and I need to study for a test first. So IDK maybe I'll get my license by 19?