i dont understand what is wrong with me.

i cant break this barrier i have.

i dont know if its nervousness or if its just i want to make him want me more.

but i think im pushing him more away.

all yesturday thats all i was thinking about, sex. with him. i was excited.

but when the time came i made so lame excuse.

i was horny. he was too. we were both insanely horny.

but i lied. i dont get it. hes leaving soon.

i want him more than i ever did before. its gotten to that extreme point.

hes sexy. i just want him body to be pressed against mine, all hot and sweaty.

i just dont want our friendship to become any different than it is.

i want him so gosh darn bad. but saying this is actually different than doing it.

so for now on, im doing whatever i promised myself that i want to do.

it starts with having sex with him. period.