I was looking at my friend's entry and she'd put up a picture from cast party about a year and half ago. So much has changed since then. I was still in high school, stressed out as usual, yet free from all the things that have happened since. Part of me would love to go back to that time again when I was a little naive and innocent girl, though it would mean that I wouldn't of met the people that have since become my world. I would love to have never faced the problems I have since then, from a miscarriage that shattered my very existance to reliving previous pains and betrayals. But I oddly enough met people from my past that taught me how to live again, even those that once hurt me returned with what appeared to be a white flag. I'm eternally grateful to all of them and I know I'll never forget them, no matter where they go or what problems they face. They're what keep me here, why I'll never really be out of reach. I honestly think that they'll never understand my devotion to them, but oh well, time and my actions will hopefully show or explain everything. I can't find the picture I want to put up because it doesn't exist, but maybe one day that picture of all of us together again will. I miss you guys and probably always will when you're not here, just hopefully those times are never very far apart. On a lighter note, unless something annoyingly random comes up, starting Tuesday I have a job. YAY!!! I finally get to get out of this house on a regular basis again. I can't wait. I never thought I'd hear myself say I want a job, let alone yay I have one other than renfest. Oh well times and most opinions change. I'm not in charge of the gypsy dancers this year, which is probably just as well with having to deal with my crazy family all over again, an actual job for once and my emotional mess of problems all at the same time. Which is why I started this diary in the first place, so I wouldn't bottle everything up like I normally do, just to randomly explode upon the nearest person that seems to actually give a shit about any of it. I've missed this feeling so much lately that with the exception of the random memories that flash into my head all the time I finally can again. That's probably the best part af any of this. The realization that I can finally breathe again.