I thought about making this a bitchy entry, but I decided it wasn't worth it to bother getting any of you (especially Amanda) worked up over this mess of a past you all seem to have that I don't know about. I'll admit that I had my doubts about Uriel being with me when I was first told about it, especially after Stephen left for the army. I thought it all was my imagination, but when all the sudden someone who barely knows you tells you stuff about yourself that you've never told anyone, you start to wonder. Michelle was the only one I had to talk to about my memories, then she left, leaving me completely alone to try and sort through my confusion. I was so lost and confused for those few months as I tried to make sense of it all. The more I searched for sanity in it all, the more real it felt, to the point where I could feel every blow from the past battle, the pain of losing those that I thought loved me. I used to tell fortunes all the time and was pretty accurate at it, but I stopped trying to look into the future when what I saw scared me. You should all know of what I speak, since I was told that you had all seen it as well. When you look hopefully into the future and see something evil looking happily back at you it makes perfect sense to stop trying to look unless you can change the outcome of total destruction to one of peace. I don't know if this recent event will change things, but we will see. I had wanted to meet all of you a long time ago when I first found out about all of this. I kept questioning until I was told about these diaries and throgh them I tried to reach out to all of you that way, since I didn't know any other way to do that. I wanted to be accepted and a couple of you saud that you did accept me, it was just that the family didn't really exist anymore because of some drama before I heard about any of you. What I don't understand is that now all the sudden you're all saying that I've been lying this whole time that everything I've been told was a lie, that all my memories are imaginary, that I am not nor will I ever be accepted into the so-called family which has apparently become so fragmented that no one really talks to anyone else except for a couple of you and now that an old member has returned and claims to still have Uriel all possible headway at having an actual friendship that has nothing to do with the past is completely gone since I'm apparently full of shit all the sudden. I'd like to know what really changed, what really happened before I met any of you, why I'm such an intruder into your perfect broken family that stays together by strings. Oh Amanda, about your recent entry and comments that were directed at me, I never said "I am Uriel" that comment left on Becky's diary was left by Uriel in her words not mine because she was pissed off that someone from her past was still clinging onto the residue she left behind when she found and came to stay in me. She didn't like someone telling her where she really was. Uriel has been interesting company these past couple years, needless to say we learned to switch control at will to the point where it's been hard to tell the difference between us and we sometimes seem to become one mind, when that happens me and her are one though yes almost all the time anymore we are separate again, due to Joey's rejection of the group, he calls it a family of lies and now I understand why... Anyways, the comment she left basically meant that she will stay with me or my soul until we cease to exist and won't return to her past soul under any circumstances. That was the jist of the entire comment. The other day when you IM'ed me I thought there was a chance that we might be able to become friends, but I guess I was wrong, you prefer the past to the present. I expected as much. The bonds of past friends run deep and when one leaves for awhile and comes back when the other's in need, they will return to the first friend without a second thought, and despite what they told to others more recently, whatever the first friend says is true and will negate whatever the accused new person tries to say. I must ask this again before I call it a night. Do you all really believe that all I've remebered, felt, said, and been told about myself and Uriel to be a lie? Is all the pain I had to go through just in my head? Do you all really believe that the only reason I even know about any of this is because Stephen just wanted to fuck me? I'm sick of rumors so will everyone please tell me? Is Uriel really with me or was it all just an elaborate sceme to get me to believe something that wasn't really there? Please tell me because we both want to know. If for some reason you guys feel that you want to go into more detail than you're willing to put onto this site then please email me instead at fatescurse@yahoo.com though I'm guessing every response will be through comments, but oh well, I just want to know what the real truth is.