i want to be happy again, but i don't know how. i came here because i wasn't happy, i hadn't been in a long long time. so as a child i found something that finally made me happy, being alone. i didn't have a choice in it, but i didn't mind because it allowed me to find the happiness i'd longed for for so long, but even then something was missing, i never knew what it was until recently. i hate being alone anymore, but that means giving up on my earlier happiness and i'm not willing to do that yet. as years passed i became more disconnected and more in need of companionship, whether friends or more it didn't matter, i just needed to feel accepted in this world by others. i accepted the world years ago then when i became aware of it, i lost it. it's hard to really find it anymore. i found it at ku a few times walking back from classes and i had human companionship there as well, that's why i loved it there so much. but now i'm back here again and disconnected from everything again, just like before. i can't breathe here, i'm too disconnected. i'll be fine only when i can breathe again, but i can only breathe when i'm connected.