I felt okay when I woke up but then that stabbing, familiarpainthatyouonlyrecognisewhenyouhaveendometriosis kicked in. I went and sat on my bed and wondered if he'd be cross at me for messing up his day. He arrived at about 12 and was all excited about us going to the beach with all our friends. I sat on the floor and told him that he should go without me, that I felt like digging a small hole and sitting in it. But he understood! And he stayed with me! He sat with me all day and bought me painkillers and watched The Man Who Sued God with me three times, (without complaining when I quoted the dialogue.) I loved him today. I loved him but I couldn't stop the involuntary shudder when he touched me. Its horrible dreading the person you have loved for two years. Dreading even a kiss, fearing sex. Fearing something that you've enjoyed and fought for for such a long time. If I really am then I need to know right now. Because something tying me to him for the next twenty years could be emotional suicide. how can you love someone when you hate yourself for who you've become