I feel like a failure. Its like everything I used to be good at I am not anymore. Its as though everything is going wrong, everything. I keep wondering... maybe if I were a little smarter, maybe if I played the piano a little better, maybe if I were still competing in shows, maybe if I were a little more healthy, maybe if I were a little less lonely, maybe if I were a little less neurotic, maybe if I were a little less paranoid, maybe if I were a little more like you. Maybe maybe maybe. Its just not who I am. I used to be that clever, likeable person. Now people avoid me because I'm always unhappy. The worst thing is knowing that its all your fault but not knowing how to make it right again.