well, someone wanted me to update so i decided after doing my spanish homework and finding that i actually do have some time before class starts, that i would take the time to update. life is a funny thing some times. Anth and i aren't together anymore, i guess this might be a good thing because we would have ended up breaking up anyways (since he basically said to not expect anything from him and that getting hurt was a part of life - so why prolong it?) too bad he was so upset when i broke up with him - he was afterall who said he was not the one for me -unless he was lying, than it was his own fault. too bad he still haunts me in my sleep... makes me wake up feeling sad and than i cant stop thinking about him all day - so yea thats what today has been like. i got my stats exam back and didnt do well at all. this means i have to pull an 80 or better on the final to pass with a C. Matt and i are getting to know one another slowly. we still talk for three or more hours each night - but he also knows i dont want to jump in to anything right now because it wouldnt be right to either of us and to be honest... the whole trust thing is not completely there - that takes time - which is what we are working at. i dont think my mom will like any guy i am with - it's getting to the point where guys are just another thing and my family doesnt wish to know about them. thats fine... they dont have to know... i feel pretty stupid for the amount of dating i have done even though it is the chance to get to know what to look for in a person. i cant believe there are less than 3 weeks left of the semester. i am anxious to get it over and done with. after spanish tonight i am going to work on wrapping some xmas gifts for my roomies. you ever get that feeling that you are enver satisfied with who you are? i think lately i have been making a lot of dumb mistakes in general. i'd love to just pack up and go somewhere - i guess i usually do that when i am frustrated but i'll live. thanksgiving was wonderful. so much good food! got to see family members and believe it or not i actually was able to join in the conversation with my cousins - probably because for once i could relate on all the wrong levels but i guess its better than nothing. this coming weekend i think matt may be coming to visit. its sweet - he actually is willing to drive an hour and a half to see me - that must say something right? during break i went bowling with him, my friend Jason and their friends Dennis and Ashley as well as Matt's brother Tim. at first it was disappointing because dennis was in such a bad mood but than we started to have a good time. normally where matt is from it would take about 40 minutes for him to get home from my place but since it was raining so much it took him an hour and 15 minutes... guess it is a god thing he likes driving. i cant wait to see him again and get my hug. i was really glad t osee my friend jason too cuz he is a good guy and i like the fact that he and i can always joke around about the craziest stuff.... good times hah.... im # 1 on the list hehe