last night a long with many others i stayed up until past 1 talking on the phone with matt. the conversation we have is wonderful and last night he got smiling even though it had been a pretty bummy day. spoke to jason last night. there are a few things that i would like to say concerning his situation though one i would like to say that i did take offense to though it was unintentional on his part is that it was not an easy thing for me to break up with anthony - it wasnt black and white. "what you dont know cant be missed." this is true for the most part and though you want things with Jerah, your mind can conjure so many good things that you might not be able to think that there could be bad things. so yes, i had anthony... he and i experienced each other - which made it all the harder because i was in love with him and a part of me always will love him despite what everyone else might think because we had bad times but we also had good. i keep thinking maybe the bad weren't so bad, just amplified by everyone elses opinions. the thing that bothers me is that nothing bad had happened the second time around but on the flip side either did anything bad happen on the first. it was not an easy decision because even though he said he was not the one for me - i truly think he was lying to save face - but relationships cant be built on lies. as for jerah, i still think she is playing mind games and maybe always will - of course i dont know her really but she ditched you numerous times and yes you got together to hang out once, but has she really spoken to you the same since or given you a complete understanding of where her head is? no. like i said.. take things slow - not for her but for yourself "rome wasnt built in a day". of course ill be eating my words but i think because i am taking things slow with matt and we are really learning things about each other - it makes it worth it and i dont have to wonder why on certain things because i know i can ask him outright -if you cant do that with jerah - what can you do?? can you honestly sayy ou know her and think so much could happen when she really doesnt appear to be giving you much of a chance to know this? i dunno jason.... do what you think is right for yourself. just remember "good things happen when you least expect them" it could be a possibility that you have been staring so long in one direction that you missed or may miss something that is right in front of you. keep an open mind. youre worth more than jerah is giving you credit for. dont let her take you for granted.