I'm so pissed at him right now. We were suppose to do something Friday because he had the money and he wanted to take me out...he never called(which really isn't that big of a surprise, it happens every weekend). . I hate how I let him fuck off every weekend and then see him on Sundays and all of it be ok. But he didn't call me Sunday and it's fucking ripping me apart. I hate myself for believing him and being disappointed at things I already know he'll do. I hate that I love him and am so PATHETIC!. This has happened every weekend almost since we've been together..four months more or less. ARGH. I hate his fucking alcohol his friends and his fucking weed. I hate that sometimes when I go and see him he's too fucked up to remember that I was there. I hate that I don't say too much about him lying about seeing me on the weekend I hate that I stress over it even though I know it's going to happen. I hate the way he claims he cares but I never know where he's at or what he's doing. I hate the way, when he thinks I'm not paying attention, he whispers that he loves me and will never hurt me. I hate that he's the biggest disappointment in my life but also who I want to be with, above all others. I don't cry a lot...my body doesn't let me...but I've cried over him and that hurts I just wish I knew how to fix this.