it seems that any sort of relationship that may have been forming with lucas has ended just as quickly as it started. however! it was my choice. portland is too far from the coast to be able to casually date someone. we'd have to plan it out and make a day out of it. even then, the chances of his unpredictably, ever-changing schedule ruining any plans that are made is quite high. there can be no "let's get coffee" or "see you after work" or anything like that. ah well. i'm not desperate to be with someone. i have too much going on. like.. hm. well, my brother's birthday is coming up. my parents want to buy him a laptop because he's moving out of his current house (and away from the roommate that owned the sole computer). so, i've been up for the past couple hours doing amateurish research. a.k.a. finding the cheapest laptop. and that's also a lie. i've also been feeding my facebook addiction and eating sourz candy for the past couple hours. mmmm ---- i had a strange dream last night. it was really unsettling, though i don't really think it can be considered a nightmare. i typically don't remember my dreams, but i know that in the few that i do, the people and places are altered. though in my dream i could know a person is, say, my next door neighbor, once i wake up i realize that the person in my dream looked nothing like the real thing. same goes for places. however, in this last dream, everything was how it should be. i don't know if that means anything or not. anyway. to make a long story short in my dream, there was some sort of virus? plague? biochemical weapon? that was slowly spreading and causing people to lose their memory.. selectively, i suppose. people were forgetting people. anyone that was involved with their life. everyone seemed to carry on with all other daily responsibilities, just suddenly not knowing anyone anymore. i'm basically in a panic throughout my entire dream. it ends with me and my friend matt going to a beach in wisconsin that was somewhat meaningful to us in order to try to keep our memories of each other. i remember realizing that whatever it was that was making everyone forget had gotten to us. i hunched into a ball and cried and grabbed matt's hand and kept yelling his name until i heard him ask what i was doing. i told him that i thought it would help me to not forget him. he then said he didn't understand what i was talking about because he didn't know who i was. and that was basically the end. sort of sad. i don't really know what to think of it. i'm not particularly worried about my friends forgetting about me. i didn't really make that long story short. more like i made a much longer story into a long story. oops. i'm going to bed now. tomorrow is my day off! !!! the music store moved into the mall where my full-time job is located. makes things pretty convenient work-wise. also, operation: get-max-to-freaking-like-me is back on. really. bed. now.