I figure tonight is as good of a night as any to start a little journal type-thingy. Alot has been going on this summer, alot of which I have been proud of, and some of which I have not so. But I'm finally free to express myself and my thoughts now that I have finally broken free from Bradley James Wachholz - ** I'm not here to bash anyone, so I'll tell it like it is ** - I know I loved him, and yet when people ask why, I cannot say. And now sometimes I wonder myself, why I endured those months of oppression. As in any dictatership; Brad intruduced fear, pain, and awe into me. Not that we are apart; I can see this, and although we did have some truly fun, and magical, times - I am sad that we went through the last months hating each other. He does have many wonderful qualities, yet they do not stand out nearly as much as the bad traits. The predjiduced, racist, opinionated, stubborn, ALMOST violent Brad is all that I see. When I think about the good times... he's PERFECT. Maybe it was his charming goodlooks that pulled the wool over my eyes. I am not ashamed of giving it all to him, though I'm sure that someday I will be. I truly did love him - but sweet things often ROT. As the SAT course started over the summer, I became re-acquanted with some old friends, among them Nick and Savana. And instantly a new friendship sprang up from the depths of deep mis-trust from my half. For 3 weeks, two of which we spent everyday talking, we bonded until we came to the point currently in question... Should we take it any further? Nick had been wiht a great girl on-and-off for 3 years, and yet I can't bring myself to completly trust another guy. Every night I wonder JUST how much Brad lied to me, and why waste all that time? So many questions leave me empty; unfullfilled. Nick, on the otherhand, is simply a great person and friend, plus he's kinda cute. *censurs an entry for the protection of another person* As for Ryan... dear sweet Ryan, the other night he came over to watch movies 'cause noone was around at his house. Naturally, for my away message I said: *Ryan's over - we're watchin' some movies; GIVE A CALL! * The next night, Nick came over to do the same things, so all I did to the away message was change the name. Brad apparantly flipped and was talking about "boyfriend tryouts" or some shit like that. So, I had to retaliate with something about about how he's never cared; so why start now.. or something like that. He didn't respond.