Jesus H Fukin Christ; I'm so G-Damnd fed up wtih these fuckin' antics. It needs to end. I don't know how many tiems this same exact situation has occured - but if I had one grain of rice for each time, I'd be a friggin' SumO WrEstLer! All I know is that no matter what; Chris gets teh short end of the deal - in the long run, at the very least. I'm sitting here while they're completely goin at it - well, not literally, but I say this coz Ash had promised that nothing would happen because she wasnt' even supposed to fuckin come with us tonight. I suppose all the trouble started wtih Cass being such a dumbfuck. Everything was fine until she decided to be a lazy bitch and not drive an extra 3.4 seconds down the friggin road. But whatever, what's getting to me now is that she's doing him on Wednesday anyways! and the friggin ho gets fucking pissed every 3 G-Damnn minuets. THEN 2 seconds ago i got pised at teh sound of her belt beign buckled and unbuckled buckled and unbuckled etc etc; so i said "comon, you know you wanna. just fuckign get it overwith already" because in all honesty she WOULD have been screwign him all night had she not been barging in on my time alone with the kid, after flipping out the night before because she apparantly didnt wana be there with us tooo... whatever - i dont even wanna remember exactly what had happened! She then had the GALL to say to me "No, I dont wanna, cuz if i did it would have happened already" like she can fucking screw anyguy she looks at!? yea fucking right shes not that great! I love the girl to death but seriously! GET OVER YOURSELF. She might as well of screwed anyways, she uined all my chances anyway. But I digress -- All i know is taht i wish i werent' here at all. its dark, the bed is shaking, the sound of making out fills the air, and all that jazz. I'm tryign to right really really really fast as all this goes thru my head but theres so much its not coming out right. This is jest retarted. Back to my first point – Chris: The poor kid. I feel so fuckin’ bad for hin, and if I wanted to piss Ashley off I should go ahead and du stuff with him. Better yet, I should have called Glen or Lee. Either one would have saved me. Next time, I’m doing that. Better yet – next time isnt’ gonna happen at all. I’m fucking miserable. I can barely count the amount of times I’ve wanted to kut myself on my fingers and toes – I can’t do that at all with counting how many times I’ve wanted to kill myself. Mary will be proud tho when she sees me with nothing new on my body, at least not that she can see -.o. im being sneaky now but whatever. It’s all mental now. Scars on my mind. It works, I guess… it’s a vicious cycle from which there is no escape. Its too far at this point *sigh* Anyhu – its time for me to curl up into a ball and pretend im dead.