I have so much to say, but very little time and even less patience. I have been confusing myself lately with my own hopes, dreams, and wishes - none of which matter to this world. They say that "Everyone has a purpose, and everything happens for a reason" well then why the hell does everything seem so wrong?! My horoscope for the month of January - MY BIRTHDAY - says: "You may have second thoughts about a relationship. You suddenly feel boxed into a corner, and [gasp] you can't [wheeze] breathe. If you don't break free, an inhaler will be your most-worn accessory. You can knit it a cozy and put some sparkles on it. Even if you don't break you, you can still knit a cozy. For your toilet paper rolls." Honestly - that came about 3 weeks after I realized that I need some serious help deciding what to do with my relationships. The boy that I fell in love with is no longer being a COMPLETE prick, now its only every-other week or so, and we're "friends" now. It feels great to still be in contact with him, however, we keep hooking up and that’s adding to my confusion. Is it the possibility that we CAN get back together? Or is it striving to hold on to what we had/what we used to do (the memories) I have a feeling that it is only coming from me, and that he could care less -- but then again, when I look at him I can see through that and see the nice kid that I met two years back. I don’t know what to do with myself. On the other hand - Richie is a big possibility. The kid is so sweet and adorable! There is no way that he'd be able to hurt me, it simply isn't in his wonderful personality. We are great friends, and I know what he wants from people, and being how we have had the same relationship problems, relatively, I feel that we could be good for each other. Every day I learn something new about him, and even though his heartbreak has never been nearly as painful and bloody as mine has, he UNDERSTANDS so much and is able to relate, which helps a lot. He just got a haircut and looks SO incredibly hoover. And again – Things with Chris have never been better. The only problem with him is Ashley. About Chris: His gf did the same thing to him that I had done to Brad, only about 10 times worse by blatantly cheating multiple times and feeling no remorse. He’s 19 and hoover. In the short amount of time that I’ve known him we’ve had some good times, and I think I’d enjoy being with him very much. The only problem as I say again – is Ashley. There is no way that I can continue to neglect setting her straight when she talks about Chris and how he says that he loves her, that she can move in, and all that shit. It needs to stop….. and i wont be able to hold it in much longer... *sigh* i hate myself