I'm cursed. It's as simple as that. As I sit here with ice burns on my arms and belly, thinking about where it all went wrong. I was simply a mistake, and shouldn't have made it to where I am now... Even as a young child I knew that I shouldnt be here, and I proved it by attempting suicide multiple times. It started the day my parents purchased me and brought me from my home in Georgia. I screamed for the first 13 months of my life and popped the blood vessels in my face constantly. My doctor told me that if I had popped a main vessel, that I would have died. When I started walking my mother says that I'd slam my head into the edge of the glass coffee-table, and I needed stitches at one point. Why must G-D hate me so? 10 years of my life I've spent at a Christian camp that I love so much, devoting my time to finding him like everyone else did. It just wasn't possible, and it plays into the conspiricy even more now... Never before have I met someone who has loved me. Truly loved me. My own parents don't as they remind me daily. They created a sense of un-belonging and insecurity deep within me and I cannot shake it. It's ruined my life. I finally found someone that loved me, and when I tried to return it, I ruined it. I was completely unable to formulate how to show someone that I loved them. (as i wasnt working from experiance or example) On the bright side I've never been more miserable. The only consolation I have are my few true friends, whom noone but me seems to understand. and I know that without them I truly would have no reason to be here. WHEREVER YOU GO, I'LL FOLLOW: IF YOU DIED TONIGHT, I'D SEE YOU TOMARROW All I want is to leave this place. To move to another town or state, leave everything behind and try to create a situation for myself in which I can be happy. I don't want to be here I try so hard to get everyone to like me and to enjoy my company, and to most people it seems like I'm merely a toy or a whore. They don't understand that I hug people because I'm looking for my "comfort zone". I had a comfort zone once, but that dream was ripped away... for those of you who don't know: a "comfort zone" is generally for young children of 2 years and below who need to fall asleep being held by someone close to them, mostly mommy... Life sucks... for Christmas.. better yet.. for Hanukah, can someone either kill me or ship me to another place?