Well ladies and gentlemen... perhaps this time the stupid thing will save. You know i've tried to write one of these God damn things like five times but the stupid website sucks ass and won't save them... EVER!!! I'll shit myself if it does this time. Ok, so why don't we start off with a little background on myself, hm? I was born in Scottland in a place where the sun never shined. My father, Klyve Butterfinger McGee, used to own his own watermelon patch somewhere east of Ohio (but us living in Scottland, we didn't get to work it much so we lost it). My father soon went outta buisiness and I decided that I needed to help my family... so I ran away from home and joined the traveling circus. Oh it was WONDERFUL there, and "Oh, The Thinks You Could Think"!!! I saw some pretty amazing things there like elephants and ephalumps and weasles and woozles and big blue people and giant razor blades that cut the shit outta paople when they got hungery (which was more often then not), and killer bees and motorcyclists and oxygen and corn on the cob and harry potter (he's the biggest freak of them all) and monkys that do tricks with their buttcheeks and dancing rynos and bewildered bears and friggin' frogs and hopping humping hazordous horses!!!... oh and that's where i met Ryan... anyways, me and Ryan hit it off pretty well, we were like best friends! See Ryan was there because he had a freakishly huge forhead and birds were attracted to trying to kill him. His section of the show was amazing! they would open the top of the tent and hundreds of birds would dive into the circus and engulf him in a bloody mess... unfortunately he only got to do his act once before he was brutally murdered by the crazed things but, hey, that's show biz right? Anyways, after that I decided that there had to be more to life than freaks in a circus, so I left to Cucamonga California! Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root-beer and the towels are oh so fluffy! And the lepers and the shriners play their ukelalies all day long and anyone on the streets would gladly shave your back for a nickle!!! Oh, Ryan would have LOVED it there... oh man, that reminds me, I gotta take out the garbage today... you ever wake up and just want to start a fire just for the sheer joy of watching something big burn down? Man, I feel like that ALL the time man. Like this one time, Tony the Tiger was dancing naked in the rain and the little leprechaun dude from the lucky charms box... oh what's his name... KYLE that's it, well he said "Hey you friggin' two-timing bitch, eat lead!!!" and shot the living hell outta him 'till the world stopped turning for a second and every fairy in the entire universe collapse and starting gasping for air and their lungs exploded because president George W. Bush sucks, and thefirst monkey in space said "Screw this crap!" and snorted a whole shitload of cocain and went on a murderous rampage through the "Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar!!!" Man, that was sweet! I remember that like it was yesterday!!! Holy crap!!! I'm missing Bible Man!!! Well, I gotta go, so just remember kids, if anyone on the streets ever asks you to hold his hand and opens his trench coat and this skin colored tube comes out, don't do it... I can't stress that enough... God I had to learn that the hard way... oh well, at least I've sill got my books...Wait a minute... I HATE reading???? NOOOOO!!!