Well in a word they suck. I really dont know what’s wrong with me its like somewhere deep inside i have this defence mechanism that makes me go in a bad mood as soon as i am deliriously happy, its like it thinks I’m dangerous when I’m happy so its more useful if I’m sad. Whatever i dont know but i feel very bothered i dont know what my problem is and i cant even decide what kind of bad mood I’m in. So strange. Usually i write in here in a way that u would write when u know that friends are reading but i just cant be bothered to edit and censor as i type cos the thoughts are coming out too quickly. I think my mood began when we were walking to the boys house from up the street and i was told that my very bestest friend is getting "seriously pissed off" at me for no reason, now this isn’t a good thing to hear at all so i think that is what started it. Then it got worse cos i was talking to one of my best guy mates and he kept going on about how he dislikes my amazing boyfriend which is fine cos its a mutual dislike but there is no need to go on about it. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Uh i dont know why else i could be in a mood, possibly cos I’m going crazy. Tho i dont think i would take it that far but u never know, watch out world this girl is going loco lol ha i made myself smile this is a good start, i wonder how quickly i can type cos i haven’t stopped since i came on here and it must sound really odd to my dad who is in the next room playing serious Sam or something Man I really wish I had that summer feeling. Or the feeling I get when I'm lying in J’s arms the feeling that there is nobody else in the world and if I never moved nobody would care cos nobody has any expectations. I wish I could do whatever I want all the time it would just make life so much easier but I guess life isn't meant to be easy is it? Well it would probably be boring if u could do what u wanted all the time cos there would be no such thing as rebellion, and who doesn’t like to be a little rebellious once in a while? Woah I just stopped typing for a second and had the most disturbing train of thought it went like this… I'm so glad I am kinda level headed cos I can think my problems through on my own and not have to see a shrink…its like there are 2 people in my head…hold on maybe in schizophrenic. So that was my train of thought I don’t think I'm skitz tho I hope well actually I know I'm not but the mood swing thing does kinda suck, maybe it’s a teenage thing, or maybe it is like learning from example cos my dad is the most volatile person I know. Hmm. Sometimes I feel so stupid complaining in this diary cos there are so many people on here contemplating suicide, battling with eating disorders, self harm, abuse of physical and verbal kinds and so many other things that I cant even begin to fathom. I have an almost normal life and I enjoy it more than 75% of the time, even the bits at school sometimes yet I still have so much to complain about. So weird I don’t know where all this is coming from but it is most definitely coming. I think it is time for me to post my strange rambling thoughts, hopefully I will have the guts to post a non private entry…