This is a story that was wrtten as a team effort my me (Jaiden) a friend of mine (Calum) in a very boring class (Modern Studies). im sure you ca work out who wrote which bits. Enjoy and well it's probably funnier if you know the people we're talking about. xxxx One day Jaiden came through to kingussie where she met Bill – a male prostitute - and asked, “How much do you cost?” Bill replied “50p”, “Okay” said Jaiden and so they left hand in hand. See Jaiden was out shopping on behalf of her good friend Calum – imagine the gossip if he was seen propositioning a MALE prostitute! So Jaiden lead Bill by the hand to Calum's bedroom and told him that his customer was inside waiting. When Bill entered Calum's bedroom, cal screamed and tried as best as he could to cover up his huge male organ. “What the fuck!” he shouted and demanded to see his good friend Jaiden Spaiden the maiden whore! He then told her that she had obviously badly misheard him as he had wanted a large boobed female prostitute! Jaiden apologised and took Bill back to Kingussie. Bill was deeply offended as he had very much liked the look of Calum, especially his huge male member. So now Jaiden had a problem, to please Calum and to soothe Bill’s bruised ego. First step to please Calum – a large boobed girl… “Who has the largest boobs you know?” she asked herself. Suddenly it all became clear: Burger king! HUGE boobs and very low standards – perfect! So Jay left for Karin's house to put forward her proposal. Fortunately for Calum, who detested Burger King, she was busy giving Cammy Gaff a blow job in the school toilets. Jaiden went to the next best thing and phoned Pamela Anderson on her mobile. “Oh my god! Calum Urquart, hell yeah I’d screw him!” screamed a very excited Pamela, “I’ll be at his in 10 mins!” Meanwhile Jaiden and Bill were having a heart to heart about Bill’s troubles. You see Bill was adamant that he had been abducted by aliens early on in life. This was not as disturbing as his final revelation – he had enjoyed being probed by their scaly green digits and ever since they had returned him to earth he had never really felt entirely fulfilled by human interaction. A very bored Jaiden told Bill to “Shut the fuck up!” She then proceeded to punch him in the mouth and told him he was nothing but a big fat gay! As unsympathetic as this may sound, Jaiden was not phased and seeing as Calum was busy with Pamela Anderson she was beginning to feel a little horny herself. She decided to visit Neil Whelan, who she had a major crush on, leaving poor Bill crying in the gutter. You have all seen Jays violent side and when it is said that she had a crush on Neil the word is to be taken in the most literal sense. When Neil opened the door J took out her industrial sized hammer and crushed his brains out. She was feeling rather tense by now so she went off in search of Calum’s wife and her best friend, Laura, so that they could go down to the river together and share a big fat reefer. :D Unfortunately, once again Jaiden's plans were ruined as Jay and Laura found Cal and Pam canoodling naked at the river. Calum was rubbing his happy red face in Pam’s big perky boobs while Cal and Pam both screamed with excitement! Laura, Calum’s wife, was also screaming - but with rage. “How could he cheat on her!?” So she, catching some of Jay’s violent streak, took out her lump of hash (Laura had recently been paid a large amount of money…for what I will let you decide. Anyway she had spent all this on buying the biggest bit ever to be seen in this humble Scottish valley – it was a NINEty bar!) With her super human strength she took it over to the illicit couple and brained them each once on the head with it. Laura, who had extremely bad aim, accidentally hit Pamela’s silicone breasts and the huge lump rebounded and smacked her in the face – she died instantly! “Thank fuck for that” remarked Calum and him and Pam proceeded to run away and marry, leaving Jaiden all alone.