A week ago I was in the hospital due to a panic attack. To top it off, I think I'm gonna start searching for a new job since apparently, my boss gets upset when I ask questions. He has certain goals to hit and so far, it's been really rough on him so where does he turn his frustration to? That's right folks, me! Let me say that when I came onto to this position I never got proper training... just 1 week at an office similar to where I am now. How the fuck am I supposed to know E V E R Y T H I N G when I don't have the proper support? Between my boss and I, I feel like we have tension and not the good kind. He makes me feel like I'm not good enough for the office. I should ALSO mention that I've even brought up me wanting to go somewhere for more training over and over again but have I? NOPE! Sure he may be flexible with my days off but hey, I have a sick father you know? It's not like I'm taking days off to fucking party and shit. The worst thing is that he doesn't have any idea of all the shit I'm going through nor does he show signs that he cares, and that's okay! All I want is him to ~understand~ the best he can and not be so catty with me. I think it's time for a good cry because frankly, I'm about to blow the fuck up.

I have a small crush on my friend Steffon. I'm hoping to take some days off to visit some friends out in the East Coast. I feel a huge void in my life and I feel empty but at least I hold on to the days where I feel nothing but happiness. Those days are hard to come by. Did I mention Steffon is half black? He's my little white washed Oreo.

Guess who just emailed me? Yes, Christian! Saying he is sorry and that if I tell him to fuck off (which I already thought I did) he would understand but he wants to talk to me. Dude, really? I don't need this stress. My dads condition isn't getting any better. His chemo is no longer working so I'm preparing for the worst. And now? Now you try talking to me after months like it's okay? the fuck...

D - hmm, so you dont want to see me (romantic or not?) A - it's not that I don't want to see you D - then what is it A - you don't get it do you. A - i'll have a hard time seeing you. not that i don't want to because i would love to but.. yeah D - why would it be hard? i want you to say it A - because i've never seen you simply as a friend, even after all these years A - you already know this D - you do realize we're gonna end up getting married one day, yes? A - you keep disappearing on me, all the time so no, i don't think that is going to happen D - oh it will i feel like i'm 17 all over again

I haven't been this happy since 2008 and for once, this has nothing to do with you. I'm a free bird and I can't believe it took me this long to realize that I indeed do deserve better because frankly, I AM THE SHIT. I hope you take this well, asshole

One of the agents I train at the office just came up from behind me, lifted up my ponytail just slightly and started touching my neck where my tattoo is at. I mean, for fucking real man? I hope me yelling at you didn't scare you/sarcasm

I just spent $90 on myself and I don't feel guilty for a change. Yeah, this is a big deal.

It's OKAY to cry sometimes

Was the straw that broke the camels back.

Cheers to those middle school days where all I would do is listen to the Dead Kennedys and play Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.

I will be all over you in a month and I can bet you that we're going to have an awesome time. At this point, I'm a little happy about you. Although you did not love me - Boston, I'll always love you. Who knows? Maybe I'll be next to you in a couple of years after school. Nothing compares to your T or Dunkin Donuts provided to me. Love Always, Anette

Gaby text me 2 days ago telling me she bumped into a certain someone that asked and talked about me the entire night. Come to find out, it was Manny. I didn't really care that this happened until I got a text from a 562 # saying "my dearest apologies". Let me go ahead and mention that the "relationship", if you even want to call it that, between us was over in 2005. We are clearly in 2011 and I'm not sure if he realizes this but hey, I got over it well before I met the one that is killing me inside now. Point is, don't fucking text me after 10pm -_-

- when someone rear ends up on the freeway and fucks your car up, thanks asshole - when you randomly come back into my life thinking that everything will be okay - when you try to make me feel like your "god" is all powerful. where was your "god" then and where the fuck is he now? i won't be skullfucked by faith

June 1, 2008 was the biggest mistake in my life.

Lately, I've been having a lot of dreams about Adrian. I haven't spoken to him in quite sometime. I got AIM about a month ago and he sent me a youtube video which made my heart skip a beat. I was so angry and felt loved at the same time from someone that's 3k miles away. I always wonder if I made the wrong choice but I'd like to think that I didn't. But why would I get butterflies when I shouldn't? I can't help but feel bad about it. Things with Christian have been, well, better than before. They could improve but it's hard when the man you're with is just as stubborn as I am. These past couple of months have been a struggle for me and I really hope that in the end, it all works out for the best. The last thing I need is another heartbreak but who's to say it won't happen again?

carpal tunnel is a bitch

i never moved to Boston

I miss you sometimes

peace out.