ok. i don't think i can go to the mall on a friday night anymore. i see all the people that hate me and want me to be gone. sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground. its not just the fact that they hate me, its that i make them hate me. so cute for everyone else. meet people, make friends. i wish i could do that. i acted like a prick in middle school, got shot down for that. and then when all the other freaks get together in highschool, they become accepted. no. i'm a reject then too. i'm a fucking parasitical bitch. anyone i meet i can fuck it all up. no matter what. just count on that meet people, get to know them so that they actually mean something to you, piss them off i just feel like i don't belong what so ever. i want to get out of here. like now. move to an exotic artsy place where its cool to be a artistic klutz. i should be careful about what i put in here, but i don't think anyone reads it anyways. i'm such a loser. but actually, hearing pearl jam on the ride home made me feel better. idk why but it did. maybe because it reminds me that i'm my own person? i don't know. but i'm on the virge of tears right now so maybe i should go. can't find a better man..