speechless. my whole life, i have been lying awake. i think i was supposed to go see mates of state with mike tonight. :-( and i didn't because, well i don't know why. or i mean why i didn't even try. i don't know. tonight i looked at colleges online. colleges that i would never have any intent of going to. i'm fucking losing it. and due to nigel, i had a nervous breakdown last night. debate tournament tomorrow. something good is supposed to happen. soon. because if i don't get high, get drunk, be acclaimed, rewarded, hook up, or just have some renewed sense of love of life soon... i will die a terribly emo death. well maybe not die. i don't know what is going to happen to me. i'm in a super lyricy mood, and i'm in fucking love with built to spill, especially this song. IT'S MY THEME SONG. BITCHES: you get the car, i'll get the night off. you'll get the chance to take the world apart and figure out how it works don't let me know what you find out. i need a car. you need a guide. who needs a map. if i don't die or worse i'm gonna need a nap at best i'll be asleep when you get back i wanna see it when you find out what comets, stars, and moons are all about. I wanna see their faces turn to backs of heads and slowly get smaller i wanna see it now i want specifics on the general idea. i wanna think what I should know i want you to do me what to show i wanna see movies of my dreams i wanna see movies of my dreams i wanna see movies of my dreams i wanna see movies of my dreams... i wanna see it when you get stoned on a cloudy breezy desert afternoon I wanna see it untame itself and break its owner i wanna see it now i wanna see it now.