im fucking completely fed up with shit, ranging from work to people to my mother. I am done taking shit from everybody, for fucking sure. I AM going to talk to the army recruiter this week, and i dont give a fuck what anybody has to say about it, fuck you, deal with your own mother fuckin shit. NO i dont care if 2 officers knock at my moms door at 4am telling her ive been killed. SHELL JUST HAVE ONE LESS KID TO WORRY ABOUT. HA, like she gives a shit about it anyways. I'm just there to take her frustrations out on for any fuckin reason. I don't really care about shit anymore but myself, if even that. Im done putting on this show of being some nice guy that everybody can depend on, because when the tides turn all you fuckin fakes just run and hide when I need something. Whatever. I cant continue living the way i am, i have nothing, i cant achieve anything, Im just constantly losing everything, and its come to that point where i dont care. Im in it for myself, fuck em all. I have 2 true friends, and they are Will and Steele, the only two people in the world that im absolutely sure would do everything in their power to help me had i needed it, and theyve proved it time and time again, they are the only two people that ill miss when i head outta this fuckhole. I feel like im walkin a tightrope without a circus net. So as of Friday at the latest i will have a definite plan of attack with my life, and maybe that should drag me out of this fuckin rut, i dont care really what becomes of me, just know that i WILL NOT, i REFUSE to continue living in the state of mind that im in. I DONT GIVE A FUCK. As for other situations, Im no longer lookin for someone to "spend my life with" because theyll just fuck everything up, I see noone out there nowadays that i am willing to risk anything of MINE for, seriously. I've said it before, most females out there are either completely wrapped up in fucking highschool drama or fuckin heroin addicted whores, SOME BOTH. fuck a rabbit fuck a fuzz, i dont give a fuck. Speaking of whores, My mom has the balls to blame me for the whole court situation, HAD SHE KEPT UP WITH THE BILLS, or even *GASP* HAD A FUCKING JOB, she wouldnt have to go file an appeal FOR EVICTION. She blames it on ME because i didnt go to court that second day, YOU HAD NO REASON TO BE OUT OF THE FUCKING STATE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANT SHIT TO DEAL WITH. Fuck you whore, you blame me, call me lazy, im not the one that lives strictly off of mooching. I'm trying, you do jack shit other then suck cock for progress. Yell at me for not having a job, being lazy, YOUR THE BIGGEST FUCKING HYPOCRITE IVE EVER MET, at least i now know where i got it from. As i sit here in my room, hot as balls, i realize now that im here strictly for my own survival, wether or not i succeed in that category i could care less, I just know that i stand alone with what i do. I wont ever have anyone out there to protect me other then myself, and you should all realize that too. Noone can protect you or keep you safe other then your own god damn self. Think about it. "Always expect the worst, then when it happens, its not that much of a disappointment" -me I've lost all trust, all hope, all faith. Jealousy, hate, fear, and anger are all that i live with, their beginning to take their toll. I now realize this.