Hey all you crazy kids. I just feel like writing, so if you'd like to take it as an update, go right ahead. I somehow achieved a laptop and internet all in the last 2 days, so that a slight upside. Other than that, shit sucks, as usual. I still can't manage to find a job, but god damnit i'm tryin. I'm basically a full time babysitter getting paid in cigarettes, that uhhh, doesn't work for me. I spend alot of my free time recently writing and reading. Not so much TV or video games anymore, they don't give me anything but temporary joy. I think i've completely turned ass backwards as a person, i can't explain it. I do everything opposite of what i used to do, i read instead of watch TV, i sleep in the am like people are SUPPOSED TO, I exercise over sitting around and getting high, i listen to country music over the norm alternative, but i haven't completely kicked The X out of my life, i just appreciate the slower more sappy music that Y108 offers. I just recently realized that everything around me is at a complete standstill. I guess it's waiting for me to make a move, which is alot better than everything passing me by like it used to. I'm not as emotionally retarded as i used to be, i don't depend on socialism to keep me alive. I finally realize what's important in life, and it's ME. I don't dangle on certain people or things to go in my favor, instead i just let them go and if i end up on the winning end of it, then woo fuckin hoo. I only really talk to my close friends anymore, those friends being the people that i was raised with, John, Steele and Will. Their the only people that i really need. I realize that everybody else is fake, you know who you are. ahem. My kids ( i say my, as if i actually helped to birth them, my nieces and nephew) are doin real good, if only my sister would stop being a lazy shit and take care of them the way their supposed to be. Me being the only male figure in their lives puts alot on my shoulders, especially with Luke. I'm doin the best i can here. So um, my stepfather (Chief) is in a hospital with a tube in his stomach draining all the cancerous fluids out of him, they say he totally defied medical knowledge with surviving this long. Last year they gave him about 6 months to live, good to know noone cared to tell me, so sooner than later i'm going to have to deal with him passing on. The guy is more a father to me then the person whose name is on my birth certificate as my father. He raised me from as long as i can remember until now, sure i've done some fucked up shit but he was always the one to correct me and show me how to handle things. Life without him is going to be fucking weird. I'm getting misty as i type this. I just hope i haven't been a giant disappointment to him as i have been to everyone else. God works in fucked up ways. Speaking of god, or whatever you choose to believe in. I turned to god once in the last 4 or so years, i had a situation that seemed totally hopeless. It involved a very special person to me, and i actually broke down and prayed to him, asking him with everything i had to preserve the situation until i could do something to change it. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was laying in bed thinking about previously said situation (i choose not to divulge any specific information due to the total pointlessness of it now), and i was so desperate to calm myself from crying so hard that i got out of bed, down on my knee(oh the sweet irony)s and prayed for about 10 minutes, just talking to this non-existant power, asking him to somehow help me either get over it or to pull some miracle. So the next day (the 19th) God totally shoved it in my ass. i mean, epically was like "ya know what Rob, hah take that." The worst possible scenario played out and i was powerless to do anything but honestly laugh about it. Shows what god knows. I'm gonna finish up my monster resume then head to bed. I dont know if anyone actually reads this or not, doesn't really matter. But...yeah. take care.