completely failed, due to rain, people being MIA, my pissy attitude from having the SAME DAYDREAM AGAIN, same reaction too. Complete fucking stunning shock. It's really starting to make me think about everything. Today was basically a complete failure with the exception of being stoned all god damn day. Went over to Games'n'at with John, then abruptly turned around and left because we just didn't want to be there, thought about walking around South Side and being lame, but it started raining AGAIN, so we just left. I had so much hope (and reserved disappointment) for today, but of course SHE (HER) failed by not getting her god damn shit done YESTERDAY, like i asked, but then again, why would anybody make a slight extra effort for me? exactly. That's starting to get to me, but i'll probably keep it nice and tucked away just like i do everything else on THAT subject. I'm banking way too much on this to not have anything in return, it just kills my motivation when such blatant disregard is shown, whatever, ain't a god damn thing i can do. Mov(e)ing Along. Swastica in the cigarette ash stank, take that shit. Old School Memory: "Please Turn Off Your Cell Phones and Pagers during the movie" Me: Don't nobody own a god damn pager anymore Huge Black Man: I own a beeper Me: Oh...shit. Cool? *uberakwardness* Tomorrow being Friday and all, replanned going to get pancakes. I've basically given up on this idea and completely blow it off everytime John or Steele brings it up, it's never gonna happen guys...let it go. I swear if i have that fuckin daydream again i'm going to have to make a fuckin serious change in the department of thought that the daydream used as basis for producing it. I don't really know what i could do though. Maybe it would be better if i came clean about it? But that probably wouldn't be in THE BEST INTEREST of...anyone. I hate not being able to be honest about certain things, especially one as important to me as this particular one is. I'm gonna make damn sure that i don't let this bursitis in my brain control and influence my decisions and thoughts. It gets more aggravating as days go by and absolutely nothing happens. It's either that fate is against me concerning this issue or the subject in question just doesn't give enough of a shit to make a respectable effort towards the fight against failure. I either have arguably large expectations/faith with this, or i'm just overpursuing something that i literally cannot achieve. I wish it had SOME KIND OF IDEA. I really do.