i was walking through the city today and like often happens,

my thoughts drifted to you.

your nickname moved alongside these memories and i smiled as i thought back on our "nicknaming ritual."

remember? we both had decided babe and darling and honey were overused and not with enough love. no, our love was much too strong for these common nicknames to convey.

i thought of my nickname for you immediately, but became anxious when i could not remember what you chose for me.

how could i not remember? it had been so important to me for those months. i racked my brain and when i finally remembered

i felt such a strong feeling of opposing emotions, i was sure my brain had finally declared war with itself.

i was so happy and...proud that some part of you had begun to leave me

but at the same time, i was honestly and utterly devastated.

because you see, i've been trying to get rid of you and memories of you and thoughts of you and reminders of you for what seems like so long now, and my brain is trying its hardest to cooperate.

but i know my heart just still isn't ready...