last night i drank too many cocktails with friends and thought too much about my life a year ago and my fingers got a mind of their own and decided to tell you these things and i drunkenly spilled my heart out to you via text messages and all i got in return was "i'm too busy to think about last year, you should do the same."
and so i felt my heart breaking all over again. before you, i didn't know a heart could break so many times from one person. like double jeopardy, i thought after you broke it the first time you couldn't be to blame for it again.
it's not even that i want you back in my life or that i want things to be like they were a year ago. i realize neither of those are happening and i know that someday i will be better off for it. but all i want is for my feelings to be legitimate to you and i guess i want you to have at least similar ones.
or someone just needs to sit me down and explain to me, step by step, how a person goes from loving someone to wanting nothing to do with them, after no provocation.
The hardest part about this is that nobody can tell you how it happened. Because nobody knows. I doubt even he knows. Kat certainly can't tell me... she'd thought lots about it in an effort to give me some sort of consolation but according to her she couldn't figure it out. It seems to be a realization much like falling in love... you don't quite know how long you've felt that way or when it started, only that its how you feel now. It was most likely a gradual thing... but until that moment of clarity you rarely see it for what it is.
Emotional aftershocks suck.