i sometimes enjoy the memories of you and i. i tuck them away for safe keeping, for a day when i can feel less sad with them.

but they don't often stay away. they come up to the surface one at a time until they're all bursting through the gate in my mind.

i like thinking about our favorite park or cuddling so close on the couch to watch a movie or the way i was sure my body was created to meld against yours.

mostly i remember inscrutable things. like the color of shirt you were wearing the day we met. or the way you smelled when you took me in for a hug. i remember the silly way you held a pen and how your face softened when your mother called.

my memories start to drift and form together and i remember making love to you for the first time and every time after that, all at once.

but then i remember how cold the bed was after you left and how silent my evenings at home became. i remember dialing and redialing your number, desperate to talk to you but working hard to resist.

i remember the exact feelings i had that day on the couch. it was a strange combination; surprise and fear and anger, mixed with regret and of course sadness. i've had different combinations of these since then. i'm not sure what stage i'm at now.

you've left and i know that. now if you could come reclaim these memories and take them with you

i'd appreciate it.